The ‘Validation’ Rationale
‘If you live for people’s acceptance, you will die from their rejection.’
I’ve thought long and hard about my stance on this topic. Is it wrong to seek someone else’s approval on something you’ve showcased?
And like every other topic in this world, the answer lies somewhere in the middle.
While I was reading, I saw many blogs suggesting ways to control our urge for validation. I disagree. I feel like validation from others can be as important as making the decision itself. Humans are social animals. We thrive while interacting with others. Creating a sense of interdependence by making somebody feel better about themselves can be far more superior than letting them figure things out by themselves.
So, where does one draw the line? It’s not wrong to say that if we depend on other people’s opinions, it’s like trying to get out of quicksand. One relevant example is that of social media. In the digital age, many people seek comfort in a spike in views or likes on their posts and resort to the number game for validation of themselves.
Besides this, even daily, some people may go out of their way to impress those around them and be praised in order to feel better about themselves. Regardless of the age group, a toddler screaming ‘How is this sandcastle I made?’ or an adult exclaiming ‘How is this car I bought?’ the purpose stays the same — we want to show our successes to the world. The question that now arises is if the viewer doesn’t like the car, will you return it? That’s where the line of validation comes into play. If your decisions rely on what other people say, that’s overdoing it.
Just like everything else, validation in higher proportions can become a problem. As long as it doesn’t become a necessity in our lives, it’s okay to value ourselves based on the opinions of those close to us. The moment we start relying on those opinions is when we might change our courses of action to fit others’ interests, and stray away from our roots.
It’s constantly said that we’re born alone and we die alone so nothing else should matter. But it’s the experiences and memories between birth and death that matter most. Everyone leaves behind a legacy of themselves, no matter how big, that affects all their relationships across their lifetime. In moments of isolation, seeking solace in the opinions of others may not be the worst thing. Sometimes, the right person can help you see beyond your self-doubt and insecurities, and show you the bright side to your actions better than you could.
At the end of the day, it comes down to this. Do you trust yourself enough, or do you need someone else to help you? There’s no right or wrong answer. It varies from person to person. As long as you can let life run its course without needing people around you to justify your actions, it’s nothing to be ashamed of.
Regardless of how we seek validation from others, the virtue of self-validation is imperative. Learning to appreciate yourself in times where it’s uncertain if others might, and going ahead with certain ideas despite having nobody to back you shows true courage. If one can validate themselves, then it can be really hard to extinguish their fire of ambition.
As I said, every answer in the world is like the story of Goldilocks. Not too hot, not too cold, but somewhere in the middle. It’s the heart of every concept where it’s the best, not the extremes. If we are too independent in life, we may not have the luxury to get criticism when we are straying away, and if we are too dependent, then we lose sight of our aims.
Finding the answer in interdependence then becomes the key to success. In simple words, it’s the balance between wanting to know what people around us think, but not so much that we rely on them.
